re-learning loving to ride

I cannot figure out what is wrong with me. I find myself daydreaming about riding, reminiscing about specifics as I drive the parts of a route I have taken in the past, which I cannot seem to escape anywhere between Maine to DC and as far west MI and north as Ontario, and yet when it comes time to get my behind back on the bike I cringe. I have this thing about riding alone. I have done so much of it that I actually HATE IT with a crying passion. The other problem is that outside of my fantastic riding buddies (Alison and Kelly) who live 3 hours from here, I have nobody to ride with. I cannot keep up with the likes of Chris or Bud anymore, Jon is a great coach, but way to fast and most of my friends think all I want to do is HAMMER so they won't even give riding with me a thought. My brother Joe just got a new road bike and despite being in great shape and most likely way faster than me, won't ride with me because he has it in his head that I am faster than him. So this leaves me hating the idea of riding because I have to experience the pain alone. What I find interesting though is that single track, heck even carriage roads and a Mtn Bike I find intriguing. I think because there is a learning curve so I feel challenged instead of beating myself up about how I "USED" to do this so easily or so much faster. In anycase, I think I have described my current mindset.

So today I am leaving school and I get this text from my friend Ellen, who doesn't really ride, actually, she hasn't been on a bike in 15 years. She wants to know if I want to ride on the trail this afternoon. OK, I'll bite, maybe teaching someone how to become a cyclist it will help me to learn to love the sport again. Just before leaving I read Andrew's post about the changes that life brings and it struck a cord. I sat back and thought about things for a minute. Just being out there, enjoying the day and the company was enough of a motivator to do this. So we loaded up the bikes and headed to the trail. She loved it! Somewhere in the mix I told her that I really needed to ride with someone and that I didn't mind taking it slow. She told me she love to ride with me as long as I didn't mind going at her pace. I am more than happy to oblige!