Monday, April 25, 2011

you sound mentally exhausted....hmmm

I am tired, have been for months now. I think my mom's diagnoses, my son's skating career and the various battles over principles with the federation, my anxiety over another child having a 1K a month nut to pay and only a small prospect of a job that will pay both rent and bills, and my own studio work and cycling workout schedule have me wound up tightly these days. I feel like I am trying to fit the world into one block in an ice-cube tray.

My mom is healing from her surgery, we will find out about her future prognosis and care shortly, but in the meantime, she is battling heart problems, something that she has never had. The medicine is making her miserably light headed and anxious. Chris did not make Cat 1, I cannot explain it, if you look at the rules as they were written he should have had it. He was in the top 6 returning Jrs in 3 distances. Apparently, this year a first year Neo-Senior is still considered a Jr.? I can see why it is so hard to grow this sport, but I am too tired this time to argue it. The way I look at it, its one more season I don't have to answer every move my family makes to USADA despite having nothing to hide. No 9PM drug tests after a necessary pre-bed hydration indulgence that would produce 3 hours of unexpected entertaining because of a unacceptable sample. None of that. Just another season to skate for the sake of skating. Yet, as a parent and a coach that hurts. Anna will graduate from Temple University next month, I am so happy for her, she has done well for herself. My only fear is that she will join the thousands of college students that graduate with no prospects of a job and a 1k/month bill to pay. There is something wrong with our society. We preach the value of education, the necessity of becoming a life long learner, yet we allow the institutions to get away with charging the moon and hand and hand with the bank expecting the stars in return. Temple is a public university and Anna had a good AID and scholarship package just the same, she is starting out with a loan payment that matches most mortgages. Of course Kenny and I will help her in any way we can, and we knew the value of the debt she was getting into but as college educated adults, we could not deny her the experience. Its just an eye opening experience in the lesson of our current economy. My own schedule of school work, studio work and cycling has my head spinning. Its a hard schedule to maintain. It has to slow down. It has to ease up. I am not sure what if anything will give but something has to be rearranged.

Why am I writing about this? My friend Steve said I sounded mentally exhausted, even told me to go eat some ice cream. I followed my mothers timeless advice instead. I went out for a ride, an hour of trying to beat the dusk. I encountered about a half dozen doing the same and imagine a perfect ride where they all are giddy enough to say hello. It happens sometimes. I also encountered a guy who almost ran me over, he was in a tricked out black RX7. He was holding a phone up to his ear. He then stopped short and tried to turn around in a driveway, with that same phone up to his ear while trying to shift gears. He cut me off again. I was thinking you ASS get off the DAMN PHONE only I thought it a bit too loudly. I actually found myself screaming it at him as I almost T-boned him doing 35 mph down a hill. Thank goodness there were people outside to witness the whole encounter. (3 cyclists climbing the hill I was descending and a woman walking her dog) The guys on bikes empathized with me but reminded me I was on two wheels and no match for him, the women walking the dog told me she was thinking the same thing as he came so close to launching me into the tree tops.

I finished my ride, threw in some laundry, did numerous other chores, took a shower, ate a salad and steamed artichokes for dinner, then had my small amount of ice cream, 1/4 cup of Breyers coffee to be exact. Tonight I will relax and think about the chocked full day tomorrow; school, studio, meeting, workout, meeting...I had contemplated riding to work tomorrow morning, get the workout out of the way before my day begins. I still might, but it depends on if I can get my act together in the next hour tonight. Commuting by bike takes a great deal of planning when the day has that much to offer. I didn't think to drop my clothes off at school this morning so if I ride, I have to carry my change of clothing...a heavy chore to say the least. Maybe later this week.

Until next time...I am off to get some rest...

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