Sometimes wallowing is good for the workout...

I have been spending the last few weeks a bit depressed about the fact that I constantly bust my butt, eat well, and still can't loose a single pound. I think I must be doing something wrong? I've tried it all, eating a vegetarian diet with lots of vegetables, eating a lean protein diet with lots of vegetables, the lean protein, low carb, veggie combo, the avoid everything white, lean protein, moderate carb, lots of veggies diet...(which is the way I was brought up and my stand by)...I exercise constantly, most of the time 10-14 hours a week, I wake up some days thinking I am getting too old for this...I want to quit, but I am too afraid of what I'd look like then? So I trudge on.
This morning, I had a bit of a melt down (can you tell?) just as I was headed out the door to ride. Its July 4th, Its raining, its really muggy, Chris is off camping and MT Biking and I am left here to ride on my own. Wait, didn't he do that for two weeks while I fired a kiln and took a graduate class? So I suck it up enough to get my ass out the door and on that two wheel monster and just start pedaling, no real decisive plan, just pedaling and wallowing and I find myself on one of the longest, most avoided climbs in our area, still wallowing and not even noticing that I am not in pain. Wait a minute, I am not even feeling this stupid hill, I can't even get this part right...so, I increase the effort, and there is barely a physical response. Great, I am a fat chick on a bike pedaling 15.5 mph up a hill in my upper chain ring... what's wrong with this picture? I've just proven to myself my melting point exactly, I go to the doctor and get my pulse taken a number of times by 3 or sometimes 4 different people, why, because being fit and fat is an anomaly.
So by the time I hit the showers today, I had pedaled 18 miles in an hour, included a number of serious climbs, and managed a set of 8 x4 min steady states at 90 with 2 minutes rest (just long enough to get annoyed at myself). Despite my state of mind today, wallowing made the work go by unnoticed. If I didn't have a party to get to, I probably would have stayed out there playing chicken with my body all day long.